BlogU

  • Motherhood After Tenure: they're killing doctors

    By Aeron Haynie June 3, 2009 9:40 pm

    They’re killing doctors. That’s what I thought in October, 1998 when I heard that Dr. Barnett Slepian had been gunned down in his home (in front of his family, no less) in a suburb of Buffalo, NY by an anti-abortion activist.This week, when I heard the news of Dr. George Tiller’s murder, I felt a similar sense of sick disbelief.

    The news of Dr. Tiller’s murder seems both surreal and also intensely personal: I grew up in Buffalo and in the summer of 1998 I had been a volunteer escort at a clinic where Dr. Slepian sometimes worked, walking women past anti-choice protestors. I had been trained not to respond to the protestors in any way; our job was to make the women entering the clinic feel safe. It was difficult to stay calm sometimes, particularly when protestors carrying posters of mutilated fetuses shrieked, “Mama, mama, please don’t kill me!” to young women entering the building. Most of the patients, already shell-shocked by the weight of their decisions, did not seem affected by the protestors. Or so it seemed. The boyfriends, husbands, mothers and friends seemed most angered at having to drive past the grotesque images and angry messages.

    I remember one morning when we thought we would see a scuffle. A man entered the rear parking lot, helped a woman to her appointment, and then began driving away. After passing the protestors, he drove half a block, pulled over to the side of the road, and angrily stormed out of his car. (At this point, I’m afraid my fellow volunteer and I, exhausted from holding in our own anger, whispered, “punch ‘em!”) Just as abruptly he wheeled around in mid stride and got back into his car and drove away.

    I empathize with this man’s disgust and anger at the protestors. And I also understood why he turned around and drove away.

    Every time I see a group of anti-abortion protestors, I remember myself at 19. Finding out I was pregnant was (and remains) the most traumatic thing that had ever happened to me. I knew I was pregnant immediately and called the hospital and asked for the rumored “morning after pill.” They told me there was no such thing. At Planned Parenthood I was told I’d have to wait weeks before I could be tested. My panic and hysteria grew during the period I was forced to wait. I tried jumping down stairs, taking baths in Epsom salts, and other non-invasive “tips” offered by girlfriends. Even though my parents were supportive, finding out I was pregnant and making that decision was a horrifying experience. Most of that summer seems a blur, but I do remember being asked by a thoughtful counselor if I was very sure about my decision, I remember the professionalism of the doctor who performed the abortion, and I remember the nurse who placed a heating pad on my stomach when it was over. And I remember feeling relief that I had my body back, my life back.

    I have never felt regret about having that abortion, but I have found it increasingly difficult to tell this story. Women friends used to confide in each other about their abortions; none of the women I’ve met in the past 10 years has ever mentioned it. Perhaps that’s a coincidence, but I wonder if the chilling violence against doctors Slepian, Tiller, and others has silenced us all.

Go to comments (17) »
Advertisement
Open Job?

Comments on Motherhood After Tenure: they're killing doctors

  • Brave post
  • Posted by Stacy , Assistant Professor at Ball State on June 3, 2009 at 10:30pm EDT

  • I am very upset about these killings too. People are so vocal about whether one should keep the baby, but not about helping your financial, emotional support, etc. when the baby comes. Also these physicians that perform late term abortions aren't doing it because it's fun. Rape, incest, birth defects. Brave post.

  • Posted by Libby Gruner , fellow Mama, PhD blogger on June 4, 2009 at 5:15am EDT

  • Aeron, thanks for your honesty. I think you're right that the past ten years or so of increasingly shrill rhetoric, protests, and violence have silenced women who have such stories to tell, and it's a shame. I worry about the young women we teach, who may face these decisions and find themselves without a safe place to go, without a doctor to help them. I hope we can find ways to keep them from having to make these tough decisions--and to support them when they do have to make them.

  • thanks
  • Posted by SW on June 4, 2009 at 6:15am EDT

  • Not much to add, just wanted you to know that your post is very much appreciated. You're right that these voices are not heard often enough so each additional story makes a difference. Thank you.

  • Posted by Laura on June 4, 2009 at 8:00am EDT

  • I wrote about my own abortion a few years ago on my blog and then again after this incident. (http://geekymom.blogspot.com) I used Planned Parenthood for all my gynecological needs during graduate school. I went every 6 mos. for a checkup and ever 6 mos., I walked past the protesters. The weird thing was, that clinic did not perform abortions. I believe they referred patients as necessary, but I thought how awful it was that young women had to walk past all that while they were just getting regular health care. Do men have to walk past dead baby pictures on their way to vasectomies?

    I, too, have no regrets. Maybe the reason we don't hear these stories anymore is because education has gotten better and there are fewer stories to tell. Maybe.

  • Bravery
  • Posted by Erin T on June 4, 2009 at 9:15am EDT

  • Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story AND to support those making a choice by being a volunteer. The deaths of these doctors has shaken me as well and I apprecite your thoughtful post.

  • Posted by Heidi S. , Academic Adviser at Michigan State University on June 4, 2009 at 10:45am EDT

  • As a new parent myself and one who struggled for years with infertility, abortion is a difficult decision for me to think about and read about. I think about how awful it would have been if I hadn't been able to conceive and what my life would have been like if ALL "unwanted" pregnancies were terminated. There would be no hope for me to have a child- because adoption wouldn't exist. Although I respect Aeron's decision, and the decisions of other women who choose to abort, I cannot possibly agree with them. I also think it is incredibly unfortunate that Laura would consider a man's vasectomy as equivalent to a woman's abortion.

    I truly believe that God has a plan for every pregnant woman and every child that is conceived- even those conceived under the most tragic and violent circumstances. I understand that I am in the minority here, and that is okay with me. I don't want to see an end to legalized abortion- I realize that this act would do much more harm then good. I don't want to see doctors killed. But I do wish that we could increase support, counseling, education and options for men and women who are in the position to consider terminating (or continuing) a pregnancy. Aeron and others may not have regrets about their abortions- but many women do. It is time that we stand back from our "me" culture a bit- only thinking about "my body" and "my life" and consider how this incredibly difficult and important decision could potentially impact those around us...the infertile couple...the sexually active teen...the child-to-be...

  • Opposing View
  • Posted by DaddyPhD on June 4, 2009 at 11:00am EDT

  • First, let me say that I in no way condone the murder of doctors. I hope that more nuanced views of this issue will prevail over time. I don't know when life begins and I don't know that anyone does. The chance that life begins sometime in the womb should give us pause. I know several infertile couples on waiting lists for newborns. My wife and I have four children and I know that pregnancy is no fun, but it's not the end of the world. My wife continues to function and lead a relatively normal life during pregancy. Pregnancy isn't so bad as to justify taking a potential life unless there is a legitimate risk to the mother's health or life, as determined by a physician. I feel especially strongly about this for those who voluntarily engage in sex knowing full well the potential consequences. I wouldn't impose this on victims of rape or incest. Society rightly imposes all kinds or boundaries on what we can do with our bodies if our actions infringe the lives of others. Certainly a fetus, which may or may not be a life, deserves some similar consideration. My wife and I are done having kids, but if by some fluke she did get pregnant again, we'd have to deal with the unlikely but real consequences of our behavior and make the best of it.

  • The more things change...
  • Posted by Nora , english at ohio state on June 4, 2009 at 11:00am EDT

  • My heartfelt appreciation to all who still tell their stories. When I was in college my best friend got pregnant despite her best precautions. She was sure she never wanted children and was paralyzed with fear. It took weeks of research and phone calls with fake names to locate a medically acceptable place in Puerto Rico where she could go for an abortion. She went, had the procedure, and came back healthy.

    However, it ended our friendship; there was trauma all around and the covert nature of the search for services was just too much for me. I loved her and I knew that termination of the pregnancy was, without question, the right thing to do (she, herself, was an "accident" for her unwed mother living in poverty), but the sense that we were doing something so hideous and corrupt that everyone involved felt threatened and had to dissemble, was both terrifying and appalling. Our relationship was another kind of casualty of right-to-life thinking.

    This was long ago--the late sixties. And yet we still must dissemble, we still feel threatened, we are still terrified and fanatics still work to make us feel appalled.

    I have heard so many women's stories over the years, and wish that the folks so violently opposed to a woman's right to choose could know the grief and shattered sense of self that often accompanies abortion, even when women are certain of their decisions. My own abortion became necessary years later, and sans details, that is my story. But the story is mine, the grief is mine and the challenge to my sense of self is mine. They are not the property of public opinion or the self-righteousness of others.

    The narcissism that would allow one individual to murder another because of a disagreement about what constitutes compassion signals the same kind of atmosphere my friend and I faced. I've added my name to the open letter being circulated by Planned Parenthood, but I'm not forwarding it to my daughter. She has a right to life, too, as did the most recent victim of the reproductive Taliban still at large here.

  • Thanks
  • Posted by Erin on June 4, 2009 at 11:45am EDT

  • Very powerful post. Your ruminations are spot-on. Thank you for sharing.

  • Obama administration's response will tell
  • Posted by Daughter-maker , Executive Assistant on June 4, 2009 at 3:00pm EDT

  • You are correct, Aeron, it has become increasing difficult to discuss abortion in the US, but especially so during the terms of conservative political representatives. Former president Bush was uncharacteristically clear whenever expressing his religiously-based views on this charged topic. And not surprisingly, his administration was mostly aligned with him, as well.

    Since whether or not a woman decides to have an abortion is a personal matter, a political matter and in some cases also a religious matter with all kinds of implications, it would make sense that the political climate in which she lives would exert influence.

    People's feelings on abortion are also personal and now the rhetoric around abortion has escalated on both sides to the point where there isn't much chance for communication.

    I find it interesting that the person above who admittedly waited very long to become a parent said something like 'it's time to step back from "my body or my life" thinking', and did not allow for the possibility that perhaps an unwed 19 year old might have considered the quality of life for an unplanned and unwanted baby. And I wonder if she sees that her stated position "think of the impact on the infertile couple" serves infertile couples pretty generously (however, I don't pretend to know the circumstances of how she eventually became a new parent, and I wish her and her family well)?

    While our current president is not in favor of abortion, at least he has dispatched the US Marshals to provide protection at the clinics and for the doctors in this country in response to the violence. Perhaps this indicates a shift in climate?

    I am a woman, and I am a mother. As a mother, I have the ability to create life, and to end it. For women everywhere and throughout all time, this is an awesome truth.

  • photos, demonstrators
  • Posted by Marcus on June 4, 2009 at 4:00pm EDT

  • "It was difficult to stay calm sometimes, particularly when protestors [sic] carrying posters of mutilated fetuses shrieked, “Mama, mama, please don’t kill me!” to young women entering the building."

    I'm not sure of the point here. Is there an objection to the pictures? The photos are documentary. Anyone academic (and anyone else) who supports abortion must have the courage of his or her convictions and be willing to accept documentary evidence. Body parts are the outcome of an abortion.

    If there is an objection to the demonstrators, well, that's free speech, and the question is whether we really want to limit free speech. I'd be for creating a larger no-demonstration zone.

    Animal rights activists have had this kind of conversation for many years. People want to eat meat, but they don't want to think about the process that resulted in the meat on the table.

  • photos, demonstrators
  • Posted by Daughter-maker on June 4, 2009 at 5:00pm EDT

  • Thanks for your comments, Marcus. If you aren't sure what the point is regarding the demonstrators, the women using the hospital, and the volunteer escorts, perhaps I can help. It has to do with the assumption on the part of the demonstrators that the women entering and exiting the health care facility were going there exclusively to have abortions and not just having routine health care. The demonstrators were using loud, verbal taunts which many people agree is a form of harassing behavior, photos aside.

    I know a woman who was married and had been trying to get pregnant and visited her clinic to collect her (it turned out to be positive) pregnancy result. She had to run the gauntlet past these shrill, misguided judges, collect her results and then brave that crowd again on the way out. She was targeted by a particularly aggressive, female protester and finally snapped, saying: "Look, be reasonable. I just went in ten minutes ago, what do you think? That I just had the worlds fastest abortion?!?" To which her harrasser replied (with deep hurt): "Please don't make fun of my faith, Miss!" If the debate on the issue of abortion is either between two yelling parties or shrouded in silence, than it's not much of a debate, is it?

  • abortion
  • Posted by mama doc on June 4, 2009 at 8:30pm EDT

  • Dr. Tiller virtually saved my life after I was impregnated by a violent, drunk husband (whom I immediately divorced.) My dear, strong mother accompanied me on the drive to Wichita. Having my aborion was the best decision I ever made, and Dr. Tiller has held a special place in my heart ever since.

    After my abortion I went on to marry a real man, joyfully bore two kids, and served as a surrogate mother for an infertile friend.

    What are we to make of anti-choice arguments and practices that are based on religious beliefs? Say what you will, within the bounds of the First Amendment, but don't expect the country to abide by YOUR religious doctrine.

    Here's a horrifying thought: I wonder if anti-choicers would like to abolish choice so women who become pregnant but don't wish (for whatever reason) to become mothers can be forced to serve as breeders for infertile couples?

    Before one should feel "qualified" to protest outside a clinic, I propose meeting the following criteria:
    1. Adopt at least one difficult-to-place child. (Examples include children with significant disabilities, or who are not white, or who are older)
    2. Feed, clothe, house, and otherwise sustain at least two pregnant girls or women who are in need.
    3. Come to understand the First Amendmant, particularly the portion that keeps religion and government separate in the US.
    4. Provide daily mentorship, support, and childcare for at least two mothers who lack sufficient resources and a healthy social support system.
    I think it would make sense for all anti-choice individuals and groups to put their enormous energies and resources to work in ways that help people. I am quite certain some folks have done these and similar things, but I highly doubt all of them have.

  • abortion
  • Posted , retired dean of social science on June 5, 2009 at 1:15pm EDT

  • I hope there will be many discussions on abortion as honest and open as this blog. I had my own abortion when my daughters were 3 and 1. I was coughing up blood and the md's didn't know why.(And never did diagnose it when it recurred.) Abortion was illegal and involved going to a strange city with a name passed through many hands, meeting the doctor alone on a street corner with cash in my pocket, having a D&C with no anesthesia. I was lucky that the doctor was very professional, and I was treated well by him and his nurse/wife. I have never regretted my choice, especially when I unexpectedly became a divorced mother of two. I, too provided escort service at clinics a few years ago. I have lived in Kansas City for twenty years now, and with all the news about Dr. Tiller, I have seen nothing positive about his services until after he died. Now the papers are carrying positive stories of his service to patients with life-threatening pregnancies and difficult choices. Too little, too late.

  • What do you mean "they"?
  • Posted by Lorraine on June 8, 2009 at 7:45pm EDT

  • I have two points to make in response to your article.

    1) What do you mean by "they" are killing doctors? What occurred here in the Tiller case was a very sick individual who committed a horrific murder. Why begin your article by setting up the "us/them" dichotomy? Are you trying to suggest that those of us who are pro-life are somehow condoning this violence? I can assure you that all of the pro-life groups have strongly condemned this terrible act. Those who are truly pro-life believe that ALL life is precious and should be protected, even the lives of those with whom we disagree.

    2) Also, examine why you are so upset about this murder. It was the killing of a human life and this is cause for outrage. As a female who is pro-life, I too was outraged at this murder. It was the violent killing of a human life and it was a terrible tragedy. This is the same outraged, chilling feeling that those of us who are pro-life feel when we contemplate the act of abortion. It is the violent killing of a human life that has not yet even been given the chance to be born. The killing of a human life, at any stage, is always wrong. Period.

  • Posted on June 9, 2009 at 4:45pm EDT

  • The entire idea of a newly implanted embryo as a human being is a very modern one. Not long ago, the Catholic Church taught that life began at the quickening, when the mother first felt movement inside her. According to Jewish law both ancient and modern, the life of an unborn child has value, but less value than that of the mother or anyone else who is already born. (In no other instance does one life outweigh another in Jewish ethics.)

    The ability to reliably control our fertility other than by abstinence, or terminate a pregnancy at minimal risk to the mother, or even to detect a pregnancy just a couple of weeks after conception, these didn't exist when our respective cultures were developing. The technology to preserve the life of a child born three months prematurely, and the technology to see and watch a kicking fetus just a few inches long, all of these are new. Out of new technologies grow new questions, and if you know all the right answers, you're an awful lot smarter than I am.

  • I appreciate all the comments
  • Posted by Aeron on June 10, 2009 at 9:45am EDT

  • Thanks for all of your comments. I knew when I wrote this that some readers would passionately disagree with my position (and my personal decision). However, I am heartened that all of the comments were respectful. This is the kind of dialogue the nation needs. 

Print
© Copyright 2010 Inside Higher Ed